I had a fantastic response to the interview I gave on the BBC’s Radio 4 Midweek show on the 7th of November and would like to thank everybody for their very kind comments, and especially to all those who subsequently bought my new book “A Hell for Heroes” after hearing the broadcast.
Along with the comments came a huge number of requests asking for more information about the poem “I Just Wanna Talk” which I read that morning, and where people could get a copy. The poem is included in the book along with around thirty others. It was written after a contact (Fire Fight) where we lost a close friend of mine.
For those who missed the reading I have included a copy of it below.
I Just Wanna Talk
Sitting here alone on my cot
surrounded by my friends
in a silence that is deafening
apart from the one voice that’s no longer here
but now booms out around the room.
Few are willing to make eye contact
but those that do quickly turn away,
unwilling to share their feelings,
feelings that are trapped behind their pleading eyes,
eyes dancing with questions,
searching for answers,
answers to questions that none of us are willing to ask.
We’ve been back over an hour now
but still we are unwilling to surrender our weapons;
instead we cuddle them
like small boys with our favourite teddy bear.
It’s the only comfort we have left,
providing the false safety we so desperately desire.
Eventually the silence is broken;
he’s the oldest and wisest amongst us.
Such a heavy burden for one who’s still only twenty-three.
`Let’s get these weapons cleaned,
grab some scoff
and some shut-eye.`
But me
I would rather sit here and talk,
speak his name out loud,
search for those elusive answers,
shed some of this guilt,
because it coulda, woulda, shoulda been me.
Copyright © Theodore Knell 2012
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